Life Coaching vs. Therapy: The Fine Line and Why the Trend is Dangerous

In the age of social media, it seems like everyone is a “coach” these days—spiritual coaches, life coaches, business coaches, even trauma-informed coaches. While the term “coach” might sound empowering, it’s essential to take a step back and recognise the significant difference between life coaching and therapy, particularly when coaches begin labelling themselves as “trauma-informed.” The line between personal growth and psychological healing is thin, and when coaches step into the realm of therapy without the proper qualifications, they risk causing real harm to those seeking genuine help.

Titles You See on Social Media: The Growing Problem

With the explosion of the wellness and coaching industry, certain titles and phrases are now popping up all over social media. While they might sound like the next best thing, they often mask a more troubling reality: many coaches with these labels are not equipped to deal with deep emotional wounds, and they could be making things worse for people who need professional help.

Here are some examples of the buzzwords and titles making the rounds:

1. “Trauma-Informed Life Coach”
   This one is becoming especially popular, but let’s be clear: anyone can slap “trauma-informed” onto their bio, even if they’ve never done formal study in trauma or mental health. Just because a coach has watched a few online webinars or read a couple of books about trauma doesn’t mean they can manage the complexities of PTSD, childhood abuse, or other serious mental health challenges. It’s misleading and, at worst, it’s dangerous.

2. “Spiritual Healer” or “Energy Healer”
   Spiritual coaches often advertise their services as a way to “heal” trauma or “clear blockages” through practices like reiki, chakra balancing, or other forms of energy work. These practices can be calming and therapeutic in some contexts, but they should never be presented as substitutes for actual mental health care. Suggesting someone can heal deep trauma through crystals or energy cleansing risks glossing over the real, clinical work that needs to happen in therapy.

3. “Manifestation Coach”
   “Manifest your dream life,” they say. Coaches encouraging people to manifest everything from their perfect job to a perfect relationship can offer motivation, but it’s vital to note that manifestation is not a cure-all for real emotional or psychological issues. If someone is dealing with depression or unresolved trauma, simply repeating positive affirmations or “visualising” your best life won’t fix what’s at the root of their struggles.

4. “Emotional Intelligence Coach”
   While emotional intelligence (EQ) is certainly an important area of personal development, many so-called “EQ coaches” on social media are starting to offer advice that crosses into territory typically covered by clinical psychologists. Emotional intelligence involves the ability to recognise and manage one’s own emotions, but someone offering advice on how to handle deep-seated emotions from past trauma might inadvertently encourage harmful avoidance behaviours or lead clients to believe they can simply “think” their way out of painful emotions.

5. “Holistic Trauma Coach”
   Holistic coaching that promises to "heal your trauma through lifestyle changes" might seem like a gentle approach, but it’s a slippery slope. Coaches offering advice about diet, exercise, or “mind-body” healing can be beneficial in promoting general well-being, but they should not be presented as a solution to something as complex and deep as trauma. Clients with serious mental health challenges may be misled into thinking these approaches will replace therapy, which could leave them vulnerable.

The Dangerous Trend: Blurring the Line Between Coaching and Therapy

It's important to note that many coaches genuinely want to help people and do so with the best intentions. However, the line between coaching (focused on personal development and goal setting) and therapy (focused on mental health treatment) is being crossed more often than we realise.

When coaches use terms like "trauma-informed" without the qualifications or training to back it up, they run the risk of giving misleading advice. Yes, personal development can be incredibly helpful, and tools like journaling, mindfulness, or meditation can improve mental well-being. But these tools aren’t enough when it comes to treating deep, life-altering trauma or mental health conditions. Trauma can manifest as serious issues such as PTSD, depression, or anxiety. These aren’t things that can be overcome with positive affirmations alone.

Why Not Go Back to School?

It’s worth asking: if life coaches can charge thousands of dollars for their programs, offering a combination of “life advice” and “spiritual healing,” why not invest that money into a formal education in psychology or mental health? Why not get a degree or diploma in counselling or therapy, where they can gain the credentials that would ensure they are genuinely qualified to help people heal from trauma?

By going down the path of formal education, an aspiring coach can gain the expertise needed to properly help those in need. Instead of spending thousands on a certification that doesn’t hold weight in the professional world, they could be learning the evidence-based methods needed to make a real difference. With the proper qualifications, they would not only be better equipped to help people but could also legally and ethically provide the mental health support that people are often seeking when they turn to “coaches.”

Why the Trend is Dangerous

1. Misleading Labels
   As much as people want to believe in a quick fix, trauma doesn’t get solved through a few sessions of “manifesting” or “energy healing.” While these approaches can certainly complement therapy, they can’t replace it. Coaches who use terms like "trauma-informed" without having any clinical understanding of trauma may mislead their followers into thinking they’re getting the help they need, when in fact, they might be setting themselves up for more emotional distress.

2. The Risk of Unqualified Advice
   Mental health is complicated. Trauma isn’t something you can just "shake off" by changing your mindset or listening to motivational quotes. For example, a coach might tell someone to “stop feeling sorry for yourself” or “just change your perspective,” which can lead to feelings of shame, isolation, and frustration. True healing requires professional guidance, time, and structured care, which can’t be rushed with “positive vibes.”

3. False Sense of Security
   For someone already vulnerable, the idea of paying for a life coach who promises healing can feel like the answer. But without the proper skills, even the most well-meaning coach could make someone feel worse by offering ineffective advice or focusing on superficial solutions.

The Bottom Line: Know Your Limits and Seek Proper Help

The rise of life coaching and spiritual healing is undeniable, but with this rise comes the responsibility to know the limits of what coaching can offer. Coaches should stick to what they are trained in—goal setting, motivation, and personal development—while leaving serious mental health work to trained professionals.

For those struggling with significant mental health challenges, it’s crucial to seek professional therapy from a licensed psychologist or counsellor who has the proper education and experience to help with trauma and emotional healing. If a coach ever claims to heal trauma or promises quick fixes, that should be a red flag.

While coaches might genuinely want to help, they are not a substitute for formal training or the structured support provided by a mental health professional. So before you invest thousands into a life coach, ask yourself: Wouldn't it make more sense to pursue a career where you can make a real, long-term impact with the credentials to back it up?

Dealing with Family Members Who Can't Get Past Their Trauma: The Cycle of Blame, Withholding, and the Impact on Your Mental Health

Dealing with Family Members Who Can't Get Past Their Trauma: The Cycle of Blame, Withholding, and the Impact on Your Mental Health

Family dynamics can often be challenging, especially when you're dealing with loved ones who are entrenched in their own trauma. As we navigate these relationships, it’s not uncommon to find ourselves on the receiving end of blame, manipulation, or emotional games. These behaviours can have a significant impact on your mental health—especially when you're trying to maintain a loving relationship with someone who is unwilling to acknowledge their own issues.

One of the more common patterns in these situations is the use of emotional withdrawal. This manifests when a family member says something like, "Well, you won’t hear from me again," only to reach out a few days or weeks later as if nothing happened. It’s a form of manipulation that can leave you feeling confused, guilty, or even responsible for their actions. The emotional whiplash created by this behaviour can be difficult to navigate, but understanding its psychological roots can help you regain control and protect your mental health.

The Impact of Trauma and Emotional Manipulation

When dealing with family members who refuse to acknowledge their own trauma, it's important to remember that their behaviour is often rooted in unresolved emotional pain. Psychologists have long studied the patterns of dysfunctional behaviour in families, particularly how unresolved trauma can affect interpersonal relationships. According to Dr. John Bradshaw, a leading expert in family systems and the effects of childhood trauma, individuals who have not processed their emotional pain tend to project it onto others, especially those they are closest to.

Family members stuck in their trauma might have difficulty taking responsibility for their actions. Instead of acknowledging their role in conflicts, they might use guilt, manipulation, and emotional withdrawal to deflect attention from their own issues. This can create a toxic environment, where you feel like you're constantly walking on eggshells, trying to navigate the shifting dynamics of blame, anger, and silence.

The Emotional Withdrawal Pattern: "You Won't Hear from Me Again"

One of the more confusing and emotionally exhausting patterns you may encounter is the threat of emotional withdrawal. A family member, after an argument or disagreement, may say something like, "Well, you won’t hear from me again." This often feels like an ultimatum or an emotional punishment aimed at making you feel guilty, as if the entire responsibility of the relationship rests on you.

However, a few days (or weeks) later, this same person will reach out as though nothing has happened. This pattern, known as intermittent reinforcement, is a psychological behavior where someone mixes periods of withdrawal with moments of attention. Psychologist B.F. Skinner, in his research on behaviorism, highlighted how this type of intermittent reinforcement—where affection, attention, or emotional support is given unpredictably—can create addictive patterns in relationships. The unpredictability of the behavior keeps you emotionally invested, as you are always hoping for the positive reinforcement you’ve been given during brief moments of connection.

This emotional cycle can be deeply confusing. One moment you’re being blamed and threatened with abandonment, and the next moment they’re reaching out, expecting everything to go back to normal. This dynamic can lead to cognitive dissonance, where your brain struggles to reconcile the conflicting emotions of love, guilt, anger, and confusion. Over time, this may lead to emotional burnout, as you expend energy trying to make sense of the relationship.

Why This Pattern Occurs: The Psychology Behind It

This pattern of emotional withdrawal and sudden re-engagement is not only emotionally draining but also reinforces the power dynamic in the relationship. According to Dr. Susan Forward, author of Emotional Blackmail, this form of manipulation is designed to make the other person feel responsible for the relationship's outcome. It plays on your natural desire for connection and fear of abandonment, making you more likely to take the blame for situations that aren't your fault.

People who use these tactics often struggle with fear of vulnerability and attachment issues. Their inability to process their own trauma leads them to push others away as a form of self-protection, even if they still crave connection. This emotional withdrawal is often a defense mechanism to avoid the deeper feelings of inadequacy, shame, or fear of being truly seen.

Additionally, the behavior can be attributed to a deep-seated need to maintain control over the relationship. By withdrawing and reappearing, the person is manipulating the relationship in a way that forces you to chase after their validation, creating a one-sided dynamic that is emotionally taxing for you.

The Effects on Your Mental Health

Dealing with these emotional games can significantly impact your mental health. Research in the field of family dynamics has shown that emotional manipulation—like intermittent withdrawal and re-engagement—can lead to increased anxiety, depression, and stress. In particular, Dr. Harriet Lerner, a renowned psychologist and author of The Dance of Anger, explains how emotional withdrawal is a tool used to deflect responsibility and maintain power, which can cause long-lasting emotional damage to the person on the receiving end.

When you’re constantly subjected to these manipulative behaviors, it can lead to:

• Emotional exhaustion: The ups and downs of these interactions can drain your emotional energy, leaving you feeling burnt out and disconnected from your own feelings.

• Guilt and self-doubt: The push-pull nature of these relationships can lead you to question your own actions, wondering if you’re the one causing the conflict or if there’s something wrong with you.

• Anxiety and fear of abandonment: The fear of being cut off or emotionally abandoned can trigger deep feelings of insecurity, especially if your family has used this tactic before.

• Frustration and anger: The inability to resolve conflict can lead to internalized anger, as you feel helpless in addressing the root cause of the issues.

Setting Boundaries and Protecting Your Well-being

If you find yourself in this type of emotional cycle with family, it's essential to take steps to protect your own mental health. Here’s how you can begin:

1. Set Clear Boundaries: Recognise that you cannot change your family members’ behavior, but you can control your own reactions. Set emotional boundaries by deciding when and how you will engage with them. If they threaten withdrawal, calmly state that you will not participate in emotional manipulation.

2. Don’t Chase Their Validation: Understand that their emotional withdrawal is not about you—it’s about their inability to confront their own trauma. You do not need their validation to know your worth. Dr. Brené Brown, a leading expert on vulnerability and shame, emphasises the importance of self-compassion in the face of emotional manipulation. Let go of the need for approval from someone who isn’t willing to change.

3. Seek Therapy: If you’re struggling with the impact of these family dynamics, therapy can help you process your emotions, set healthier boundaries, and heal from the emotional damage caused by manipulation. Dr. Laura Markham, a clinical psychologist, suggests that therapy can help individuals work through these patterns and learn how to respond to emotional manipulation in ways that protect their emotional well-being.

4. Encourage Professional Help: While you can’t force someone to seek therapy, it’s okay to suggest it. If they refuse or make excuses, respect their decision, but don’t let it hinder your own healing. Focus on what you can control—your own mental health.

Prioritise Your Well-being

Navigating family relationships where trauma is unresolved and blame is constantly pushed onto you can feel isolating and overwhelming. The pattern of emotional withdrawal, followed by re-engagement, can create emotional whiplash that leaves you feeling powerless. However, recognizing this pattern and understanding the psychological reasons behind it can help you regain control of your emotions and your relationships.

By setting boundaries, seeking therapy, and protecting your mental health, you can break free from the cycle of emotional manipulation. Remember that you are not responsible for their healing, but you are responsible for your own well-being. Don’t hesitate to seek professional help if you find these patterns impacting your mental health—sometimes, healing starts with understanding and reclaiming your own power.